Life caught me off guard - in the loving memory of two friends

Life often places us in moments that catch us off guard - it's a feeling most of us are familiar with I'm sure, so similarly, just yesterday I was taken aback by the news of an unfortunate happening to a friend. He wasn't as close as I would've liked to stay since distance across borders and seas is something we all suffer to overcome. But in the past, precisely in 2011 - back in Australia, he was one of my closest friends and among the few of us, we used to have a blast in high school. I met him earlier in 2006 when I had moved there & ended up joining the same primary school as him. Our group of friends landed in the same high school fortunately too since it was situated within everyone's comfort of commute. I have a good, vivid memory of him of total six years until I moved back to Pakistan.

So, coming up-to-date, like any other quarantined day, I sat occupied on my at-home work desk, tirelessly waiting for the clock to hit 6 P.M. so I could sign-off and move on with my day. Just then I noticed my Messenger pop up a message from another dear friend 'L' from Sydney, he began conversing casually to which I thought I'll respond later out of my laziness, but my instinct or should I say fondness towards that place & friends urged me to scroll the notification bar to see what he's on about since it was past midnight there & there my eyes caught out two words - well let's just keep the subject at hand anonymous - 'P' & 'Gone Missing', to which my body responded in a reflex-like movement, impatiently grabbing my phone to open the chat.

He had spoken casually at the top, perhaps knowing how hard this would hit me, eventually leading to informing me that: I'm sorry I had to be the one to inform you but, 'P' went missing a few days ago, while the police discovered his phone on 22nd July 2020 and found his body today (23rd July 2020). I didn't want to accept what my eyes read and the echo in my head sounded like, I stayed in denial until tears welled up, eventually rolling down my eyes not being able to gauge what's happened. I felt a throbbing sharp pain in my head and a stir of mixed emotions and confusion that left me in an uncertain state of mind.

I mean who would've thought hearing about a close friend from 9-years-ago would cause such a stir of emotions, while I'm situated all the way across the world - six hours behind in time, trying to digest this heartwrenching news.

This year hasn't been easy on anyone, and certainly not for me either. Earlier this year I lost my friend, in Pakistan to a heart-attack that unexpectedly took place on 3rd January 2020. That too was so sudden and unbelievable - didn't let me succumb to the fact that this is life. This is how people come & go into your life - unwantedly & involuntarily.

As I recollected my thoughts and myself a few minutes later, I began to inquire further, desperate to know what reason could've led to this. But unfortunately, 'L' hadn't been in touch with 'P' recently either, all he knew was that some of our close friends had posted about him missing earlier, following his phone being found and eventually his dead body. He also went on to mention that he was facing some mental challenges with his sexual orientation while being born a Christian.

Realizing that 'P' passed away with a heavy heart and puzzlement about faith and orientation. And both these reasons became the lethal culprits leading him to resort to committing suicide. This level of perplexity & distress probably had him occupied since God knows how long, ditching him to think there isn't any other way out, or perhaps the lack of support from people he would've wished to keep close denied to provide that love & warmth. There can be a million reasons as to why he did what he has done, but now he has left all his remaining friends to wonder & ponder upon this grieving truth that he is no more.

This just makes me realize that no matter how far, behind in time or ahead of things you are, it is imperative that we stay in touch with our loved ones. Even a hello from an old friend or a check-in from a loved one can mean the world to someone in a lonely moment.

I've often utilized this platform, Being Well to talk about mental health, general well-being, and health issues, but I'm choosing to speak about my own experience rather than concealing my thoughts because there might be so many out there, facing these issues or wanting closure.

Is it rather crucial to realize, how people still perhaps stigmatize seeking mental health in times of need? Why does it have to be this or that - why can't we accept people as they are and try to help them resolve their dilemmas to eventually reach a solution, or stability otherwise. Losing two friends this year has really shaken my idea of life lately, and this rat's race we're all competing in the pursuit of nothingness at the end. The reality of life often takes things dear to you farther than you can reach, way beyond any distance, time-zones, or technology's reach.

As a result of these impending events, I managed to correct my flaws by contacting my friends from Sydney, in an attempt to re-try staying connected, overlooking the obvious - time zones, etc, but willing to stay in touch. May it only result in a greet once a month but at least I'll know that they're okay & alive at the other end.

I hope that both my late friends are in a better place now, & their families find a way to cope with their absence and grief, & live on, hoping to unite once again. May we live in the loving memories of our friends & pray that moments & laughter shared with them live on with us, forever.

- BeingWellPK